Midway down the street in my neighborhood is lovely open lakefront lot. Our family along with the neighbors are part of an association that has access to it and use it as a small private beach. We pay for insurance, mowing, improvements, etc. It's a pretty little spot and I am told all the time how lucky I a to have such a place to bring my family. And it's true, I am lucky...but I really hate that fucking beach.
When my kids were small, I would pack up all of our beach stuff and head down there for some family fun. But after dragging the wagon full of sand toys, water bottles, towels, etc. down the steep incline to the water's edge, invariably someone would have to go to the bathroom and back to the house we'd go. Once everyone had emptied his bladder and we had now made the slow toddle back down to the beach, someone would fall and skin a knee. Back to the house again. Other times, after about 5 minutes of play, I'd get the "I'm bored, when can we go?" from one of the kids. Unless there were other children down there to play with, they were bored pretty quickly with each other. Unfortunately, in our neighborhood, there weren't too many kids when they were younger. In addition, there are a couple of really bitchy neighbors that feel the need to play policeman.
So this great little beach that my family should have adored became a thorn in my side. Not much fun for them, therefore, not much fun for me. The one thing I did enjoy was hosting a cookout with my family and friends once a year. It was awesome! We'd haul the coolers down to the beach, start a bonfire and roast hotdogs and sausages right over the fire. My nieces and nephews as well as our friends loved it. The kids would swim for hours and then at the end of the evening, we'd roast marshmallows and make s'mores. It was a lot of work but tons of fun too.
I started to notice something each and every time we had a beach party. EVERY time one of our neighbors would appear out of nowhere to come and say, "hello." When I'd inquire as to whether they were going to take a swim or go boating, the answer was no. "Oh, are you on a walk?" I'd ask. Again, no. They seemed to have come down for the sole purpose of checking up on us. They felt the need to make sure, we, a couple in our LATE thirties, were behaving ourselves and acting responsibly.
Now, my husband and I are responsible people. We always brought garbage bags down and picked up every scrap of garbage from our picnic and put everything back as it had been before. And we would fully extinguish our fire prior to leaving the beach. Despite this, we were subjected to the annual inspection each and every time we had a bonfire.
2 years ago, the fire pit was removed to make way for a gazebo. The gazebo is really nice but the fire pit was the one thing I liked about that stupid beach. So last year at our association meeting, we voted to rebuild the fire pit. At the opening meeting yesterday, one of the neighbors whom I call "the sheriff" felt the need to bring the fire department burn regulations to our meeting. She read off the regs making sure to emphasize that fires could only occur on certain days per week and during certain hours. She suggested that since the fire must be extinguished by 8:00 pm and all the other restrictions, there wasn't much point in having the fire pit. She also indicated that the smoke and the "fires at all hours of the night" were a nuisance. In a nutshell, the bitch hates campfires.
My husband tried to interject stating that the regulations didn't include campfires and that the rules were not as stringent for small fires for the purpose of recreation. He was met with a "I got this directly from the fire department so don't even start with me."
Why was she so rude to my husband? Because he called her bluff. She was hoping to scare us all by reading off the burn regulations meant for burning brush in one's yard. The kind of brush you might have after clearing some old dead bushes and trees. I called the fire department today and was told that no, a homeowner may have a campfire any time they want as long as they have a burn permit, aren't burning leaves, and are "courteous to the neighbors." Meaning, don't burn shit every night of the week.
What this is all really about is an old beef with the neighbors across the street. They had four teenage/young adults living in the house who all enjoyed the occasional beach party. Several of the stupid beach rules are directed at this one family, a very nice family by the way. We aren't allowed to have parties on holiday weekends because this family "was using the beach as their personal party headquarters" according to the sheriff. We also have a curfew, to keep the college kids from having a few brewskis and sitting by the campfire late at night. Now she's trying to bullshit us all with her over interpretation of the burn rules.
This poor family is one of the few who use the beach regularly. The husband and wife go for a dip every evening. They host family gatherings occasionally. Other than that, the beach is empty 90% of the time. And the sheriff virtually NEVER comes down there. They have a paddle boat tied up in back of their yard so they don't even have to come down to the beach to take their evening tool around the lake. They come down once a month for the association meetings and that's about it.
What irks me are people like this who take a stand about something that is none of their fucking business. If it's too noisy down at the beach, ask whomever is down there to keep it down. If that doesn't work, call the cops. It's pretty fucking simple. And, as for the fires, they live far enough from the beach that the excuse that their house is full of smoke is bullshit. The truth is, they just don't trust anyone to have a fucking fire and put it out when they're done. We are grown adults, you're gonna have to trust us that we can dump a bucket of water on a fire. And if you feel the need to come down and check the coals at 1:30 in the morning, that's your problem, not ours.
I don't mind people being passionate about certain things even if I don't agree. What I do mind is people who get all up in arms about stuff that has no bearing on their lives. So, even though I hate the fucking beach, I feel compelled to have a campfire once a week now for the rest of the summer. In your face sheriff! And if she gives me any flack, I'm going to make a motion to sell the beach property at the next association meeting since, it seems to be more trouble than it's worth.
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